You’ve Got to Watch Sylvester Stallone’s Incredibly Strange Commercial for Pens

Pens—everybody needs a few, right? You’ve got grocery lists to write and Batman doodles to draw during boring work meetings. But chances are the pen in your hand costs about $1 and isn’t decorated with human skulls or have a crazy commercial where it was birthed from the lava of an active volcano.

Then again, your pen also wasn’t designed by Sylvester Stallone.

In the commercial below, you’ll see what happens when Sly designed his very own pen and watch set for the Italian luxury peddlers at Montegrappa. This video’s existed since 2013, but it’s only now really picked up steam online—we caught it, courtesy of Uproxx.

The whole video is—in a word—baffling. It starts with Stallone narrating a monologue about life and death, war and peace, light and darkness—all lofty subjects that don’t necessarily lend themselves to the sale of writing instruments. But hey, we also didn’t write Rocky. 

After the speech, we’re taken on a lavish ride through some mid-‘90s CGI, where we see the forging of the pen bedazzled in gaudy skulls and golden dragon ornamentations, with buzzwords like “Majestic” and “Imposing” flashing across the screen. It all builds to a money shot of Stallone showing off both the watch and the pen with the name “Chaos” in font that can only be described as “’90s Nu Metal Chic.”

And how much would Stallone’s “Chaos” set you back now? Well both the pen and watch are going for close to $6,000 on eBay right now. Tough decision, right?

Check out the commercial below: